PREFACE
If you could solve all the mysteries in this world, what would you see? Would you see great fields, filled with all those imaginary creatures in those stories you were told as a child? The world holds secrets from even the wisest of us. And yet some still try to understand.
How are we to know what is myth and what is fact? Can we truly differentiate fairy-tales from non-fiction? How do we determine what legends are true and which are false?
Perhaps the answer lies in the fact that we are simply not supposed to know.
Long ago, forces of which we could only dream to comprehend set laws to insure the secrets of the world were kept silent, shrouded in the mist we call uncertainty. But as we all know, laws were made to be broken, and now secrets must be told…
Take heed children, for dark times lie ahead of us. Earth stands upon the brink of destruction; I can see the darkness start to take control, suffocating all life, blinding us with hatred and despair.
But the Heavens shall not abandon us. All is not yet lost, for there is still good in this world. To those who follow the Lunar Howl, I give you hope.
Join us in this journey, in the ultimate battle between good and evil. One will rise and one will fall, but you must choose your path. For it is the chosen path's of all beings where our journey shall begin... and end.
This is their story...
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,800 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
OOooh well this is quite the start here. Not too often we've got a storing starting with questions that make you think quite as much as this one here does. Well, this definitely gets your attention right away and quite powerfully too despite the lack of any sort of intense action or the normal sort of thing that does this. I'm really liking the direction this is trying to go in here, let's see where you take it.
Well that took a turn. From a slightly more curious standpoint, it seems we've dipped our toes into something a lot more dangerous here and suddenly this piece just became a lot more exciting for an entirely different reason there. Well I'll say I'm certainly not complaining here.
Aaaand we've got a very dramatic moment there to end on. Wow, this somehow managed to take me through three separate roller-coaster rides without making it seem like the flow of the piece was breaking. That's really well done there. I think there's more than enough interesting stuff going down here to make us want to read more as readers here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hello. I agree with Avens Dolor. From this part:
down was dripping with cliches. That means it's been used over and over again. We want something new, something original. You were going good for the first half, but then it completely went downhill.
Also, to give the reader the goosebumps at the end, consider changing the last line from:
To:
It fits in because you are directly talking to the reader, and if you want this to have a bigger lure to it, consider changing it.
Looking forward to part 2.
-Jared
Comments in red.
I liked the beginning, but then it started breaking way too heavily into cliches for my taste. I began to get that really sticky feeling that always comes with narrators who are written at that "awesome" level, ie "I am the great and powerful wizard of OZ!". It started turning flowery and felt like a modern day author trying to write in historically set prose (no offense meant, of course; this style of voice eludes even some of the best writers).
If you could rope it back to that light at the beginning, and away from the "ultimate battle between good and evil" drenched in prophecy, then I think this could be a really fantastic piece.
Let me know when you add more; I'd love to see what ends up happening.
That was awsome. It held my attion, which is very hard to do. I have always been a sucker for fairytales, and them being real would be sweet. Oh, my name is Bunnie. Keep writeing and PM me when there's more.
Hey !
I enjoyed reading this, I really like it. It's clouded by mystery and questions, which makes it compelling to read. Post more of this story sometime, I'm curious how it goes on.
It's well written, and I couldn't find anything off other than what the first comment already mentioned. So... Well done!
Take care, and keep writing!
XxxDo
PM me if you have any questions about YWS, etc !!
For some strange reason this preface makes me recall Hunter S. Thompson...I can't figure out why though.
It's a good start. I didn't really see any real glaring errors that needed fixing, either, so that's also very helpful. I'm interested to see the story unfold, so keep posting...
Great story going. You really catch the readers attention with your questions that address them in particular. I wont comment about spelling/grammar because mine is dreadful. Lol But as far as i could tell there were no mayjor screw ups and you've been paying attention in school! Keep writing!
Good job!
I like how you address the reader and how you have so many big questions to them.
All right, on to the crit:
Again, good job. I hope to read more,
-Onceuponatim3xo